London, UK- after its biggest shake up in years, the now privately owned Royal Mail has announced a new addition to its service, starting from January 1st customers will be have the option of sending a letter or parcel by 1st 2nd and now 3rd Class. The uniqueness of this system will be that each delivery will be done by Snail, each letter will be attached the back of a mollusc and within 7- 8 weeks it will reach its destination. Working Director Arnold Lodge of the Royal Mail Group said “Over the past four months we’ve had a massive recruitment drive, we’ve hired over 40,000 snails, from the small Burgandy Snail which carry letters up to 300g to the Giant African Snail which will carry parcels up to 3kg. “Arnold also added ” From June next year, anything over that amount will have to be delivered by Turtle.” A 3rd class stamp will cost around 30 pence, 27 pence cheaper than the current 2nd class. Arnold said, “We believe this is a cost effective add-on to our already great service, this is a good choice for our customers who would like to be more economical with their money, its also a great service for those who wish to delay news, for example, if you would like to admit to accidentally killing your neighbours dog but need time to move house. Or if you’d like to confess to a murder but need time to flee the country.”
Royal Mail also mentions that all parcels delivered by 3rd class may be slower when its dry out and faster in the rain. They will also cover each letter or parcel with damages insurance to the tune of £10 should one of their delivery snails be stepped on.