Northampton, England- “Get me down, im dizzy and i’m going to be sick.” is the latest shout from a man strapped to the moving blades of a 100 metre wind turbine sat on the frosty hills in the middle of Northamptonshire. “Shut up Dave, you’ve only been spinning for 4 minutes” came the reply.
Leader of the professionally offended environmental activist group EnviroMENTAL Tiger Honey, staged the stunt in order to protest against the ‘destructive and pervasive nature of the wind turbine’ he said, “We’re here to protest at the destruction of the environment, hundreds of thousands of mice and insects are evicted from their homes in order to make way for these colossal monstrosities.”
Honey, isn’t just worried about the door mice either, he’s concerned about the impact on neighbouring bird populations too, “They’re essentially huge meat grinders for birds, they unknowingly fly through them only to be chopped up by the churning blades, this is why we have decided to strap ourselves to them, so we can empathise, feel what its like to be a bird.” He said.
Honey then set out his plans for the day “We’re going to take it in turns, we’ll stay on until we’re either sick or pass out through the blood rush to our heads. We also have one man here who’s job it is to catch the sick as it falls, we don’t want any of that nasty stuff getting on the ground.”
It might come as not surprise that Honey and the rest of EnviroMENTAL are actually local residents too, Jonny Groughl, who’d recently done a few spins atop the turbine said “These bloody monoliths are in front of my house and they’re impairing my view, how am I supposed to watch my neighbours having sex now?”