Copeland, Cumbria- “Put me down you fat fuck.” said the burger as it was lifted from the plate. Copeland, the UK’s fattest town, has become the guinea pig for a new government led trial that aims to combat rising levels of obesity in the country.
“So far, its going quite well.” Said Jane Brown, inventor of the ‘Insulting burger’. “We’ve had a lot of complaints about foul and offensive language but that just goes with the territory I suppose.”
The new burgers have been genetically modified by injecting them with human brain cells that have been pre-programmed to insult anyone they deem obese enough to pick them up, or sometimes even look at them.
With quotes such as “You fat bastard”, “Lard arse” and “Ayy fatty bum bum” resonating throughout restaurants, the new burgers are sure to deter even the most hungry of eaters.
Jane said “The burgers objective is to get people to think about what they’re eating. They are quite literally shouting for their lives, they know that if they aren’t vulgar enough, they’ll be eaten.”
“Once the burgers are placed back on their plate they start to engage with the person. They’re actually quite pleasant, they offer alternative foods such as salad and fruit.”
One person who was unlucky enough to pick up an Insulting Burger at a local fast food shop said “I was really offended, I was just about to take a bite and it starting shouting, it called me a fat bitch and said my daughter had greasy hair. It then started gobbing off towards the woman next to me, I was so embarrassed I threw it down and left the restaurant in tears.”