Chicago, Illinois- Spurred on by a flurry of glamorous eastern European teenagers selling their virginities online, one american teen has decided to do the same, to pay off his college fees he’s going to auction off his virginity on eBay.
19 year old Johnny Right, who has never had a girlfriend or any sexual experience said “I see some girls selling their v-card for like 800k, I’m gonna get in on that too.”
Admittedly Johnny has almost started his own niche market “I’m not the usual type, I have pretty bad achne, I’m ginger and I’m also morbidly obese, but if you look past the nerdy exterior, I’m a kind hearted soul and I have an awesome neckbeard.”
Johnny’s profile lists him as “A 19 year old male who’s just looking to pay off some debts, I’ll do just about anything sex-wise, I’m 300 pounds, I smell of Benzoyl peroxide achne treatment” His hobbies are listed as “Sitting and playing Mario Kart and Zelda whilst eating a 12″ pie from my local pizzeria. I like to browse the deep web and I have collected a hundred piss bottles under my desk that I have used instead of getting up to go to the toilet.”
His eBay ad has started at 0 dollars but after 5 bids he is now up to $1.56, although Johnny hopes for a lot more. “Hopefully we’ll reach around $90,000, this will pay off all of my fees and I’ll potentially be able to buy a new computer with it too. I’d love a sugar mommy, someone to clear up after me would be great, there’s a dorito stuck stabbing me in my ass crack and its really starting to hurt.”