Man charged with sexual assualt on hoover


A mock picture of a hoover, not the individual mentioned in this case.

Dallas, Texas- A hoover was given lifetime anonymity today after his witness statement helped successfully jail a serial hoover rapist.

John Gunter of Downtown Dallas, Texas, was given a sentence of 10 years without parole after a number of offences against vaccum tubed hoovers.

“He’s a very dangerous man.” Said Judge Moreno, who led the prosecution. “What he did, he did for his own personal gratification, submitting a number of hoovers to a series of assaults.”

John Hunter, who has spent his whole life in the deepest depths of Ameicas Bible Belt, was not allowed relations until marriage. In accordance with his religion and in his defence claimed that due to the Hoovers ” Smiley face and wide eyes.” he believed his actions were consensual. He also mentioned that he and the hoover were both in a “Passionate and committed relationship for several months.” before the offence occurred.

But Judge Moreno had a different view, he said as he ruled against the defendant, “I do not believe that your previous relationship with the alleged would have prevented you from doing what you did. And It seems to me that your beliefs led you to commiting these heinous acts, you were obviously unaware that any relation with anything is forbidden in the Bible. So not only are you going to prison, you’re going to Hell.”

The Hoover, who the jury has named “Henry” to protect his real identity, is said to have left Dallas after the trial to start a new live in San Francisco, California.