Storm Barbara lashes UK with knitting needles and Bingo dabbers

THE second named storm of the winter season has rocked parts of the UK today caused 100 mph winds And 10 metre high bubble bath tidal surges.

Fittingly named ‘Storm Barbara’ by the Met Office, the storm is raining down razor sharp knitting needles and multi-coloured bingo dabbers.

There have been reports of thousands of injuries, the government has upped its Amber Alert to Red Alert, urging people to stay inside unless absolutely necessary or unless there is a threat to life.

Meteorologist Tom Draft of the Met Office has echoed the governments warnings after he too was hit on the head by a falling Bingo dabber.

“This storm is EXTREMELY dangerous.” He said, pointing to a large bruise on his forehead. “We tend to name these events accordingly. Barbara sounds nice and sweet but she isn’t one to be messed with.”

“Expect more knitting needles and dabbers for the first couple of days, but after that the storm will pick up, we’ll possibly be seeing walking sticks and mobility scooters falling from the Heavens, if the weather permits.”

The Met Office predicts a 75% chance of the storm worsening and has placed emergency officials on stand by to provide bottled water and rationed food if needs be.

One local OAP Catherine Jenkins- Who we’re pretty sure misheard us when asked about Storm Barbara-  said “I knew a woman called Barbara, she was lovely, we’d sit around and put together jig-saws, she had a Yorkshire Terrier and a Jack Russell, God knows how she coped with them both at the same time.”