THEY’RE almost impossible to feed to kids, and also some adults too, they taste like a fart and have the texture of a used newspaper. They’re possibly the most disgusting vegetable known to mankind, and now mankind has another to reason to hate them. They’re committed to climate change.
Brussels sprouts worldwide have today announced plans to change the climate by inducing farts. And what better time of the year to do it than when they’re shipped out in their billions to sit idly on by at the side of a delicious Christmas dinner.
“Well will strike on the 25th.”, said Bruce, a Brussels sprout from Southampton, UK. “Our plan is to increase global warming by making humans fart.”
As crazy as Bruce’s idea sounds, he foes on to point out that their cousins ‘Grass’ have been furthering their cause for years after playing havoc with the digestive systems of cows.
“Cows release 7% of greenhouse gasses.” He said in a rough, scratchy voice. “There are billions of humans, there’s literally no reason why this won’t work.”
“We’ll sneak into your dinners unsuspected, hiding in the mash and peas or among the chicken, maybe we’ll even take shelter under a Yorkshire pudding. Waiting for you to bite.”
Bruce’s logic behind his reasoning for more global warning serves a stark warning to humanity, “Us sprouts fare better in warmer weathers, if the temperature increases then so do our numbers. We’ll be the most populous veg in the world and humans will have no choice but to consume us.”