Santa takes dumps down Naughty Listers chimneys

THOUSANDS of children were distraught today after waking up to find a steaming pile of turd in their living rooms, instead of the presents they so desperately wanted.

Father Christmas has had to take ‘extraordinary measures’ this year after the number of children on the naughty list outmatched the children on his good list.

“This is the first time in my career there were more naughty children than good ones.”, said Chris Cringle who was visibly disappointed. “There has been a steady decline in good children and this yeah pushed me over the edge. I had to do something about it.”

After travelling the world in just under 3 hours, Father Christmas visited less than half of the worlds households before returning back to his headquarters in the North Pole.

“We’ve worked a full year for half a days work. I’m having to sack employees for next year, the Elves are absolutely petrified at who’s going next.”

“So to tide us over I came up with a plan. I took a quick shit down all of the naughty listers chimneys in the hope that they’ll turn themselves around for next years Christmas.”

One parent, who awoke to a ‘rancid smell’ coming from his living room said, “My little boy ran down the stairs with excitement, only to find a steaming turd instead of the Xbox he asked for. He couldn’t stop crying. There was also a note saying that the children of the household should clean the shit up because they were the ones on the naughty list.”