Petting a cat ‘Similar to walking through a minefield’ say scientists

aggressive ginger cat and hand of veterinary in front of white background
A group have scientists have finally figured out how to properly pet a cat, and the answer is ‘don’t.’

Felines aren’t renowned for their affection, sometimes they like people, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they like to be stroked and petted, other times they like to tear hands and fingers apart just for brushing past them.

Lead scientist Noel Baker on the ‘Feline pet project’ at Northampton University has finally figured out the best way to pay attention to a moggie, without receiving a few slashes, he has drawn comparison between stroking a cat and walking through a landmine field.

“Petting a cat is similar to walking through a landmine field. All areas of both cat and mine field are potentially safe and deadly at the exact same time. If you make one wrong move, you’re going to lose a limb.”

“Cats change their minds very frequently, we don’t know why but its possibly for shits and giggles. We think they’ve evolved to continuously remind humans the dangers of animals, cats have this unique ability to turn into arseholes at any time, one minute they’ll be purring, the next they’ll be vicious.”

“Petting them is no different, if you arent looking where you’re going when caressing a cat, you’re gonna get some stitches, just like walking through a field of landmines, if you aren’t paying attention, you’re toast.”

“So I would say, if you don’t know the cat, in fact even if you do, just give it a miss. Always be cautious and watch out for the signs. A wiggly bottom and enlarged pupils are surefire signs that a cat is about to shred your hand easier than a chinese shredded duck.”