Man confident in silence of own fart

A LOCAL man has been deemed a ‘Hero’ today after having the confidence his farts would be silent.

Jim Kross an Insurance Broker from London was at a business dinner party when he suddenly had the urge to let rip.

“It took me by complete surprise.” He said, wiping away the beads of sweat dropping down his forehead. “It just snook up on me, outta nowhere.”

Jim went on to explain his brief moment of panic as he calculated what he’d had for his last meal and when he’d ate it.

“My mind was going ten to the dozen, I was sat there at a table full of pretty high up people, I was trying to impress. I knew this fart was coming out of me so I quickly thought of what I’d eaten over the past two days.”

Jim continued, “I work in insurance so I was quickly able to calculate the risks of it being a ripper. I’d eaten a salad and some fish, not exactly fatty food but one can never be 100% sure.”

Although Jim was 99% sure, he had the upmost confident his fart wouldn’t loud, alough it would probably be a real stinker.

“I let go, he said, if you hold it your sphincter muscles contract causing the gas to whistle as it comes out. So it dropped out naturally, not even a peep.”

“The aftermath was pretty nasty, I could smell the methane as it caressed my nostrils, so I jumped up and said ‘Wow who’s farted, that stinks, and excused my self to go to the toilet.”