A TEENAGER has answered one of societies most burning questions ‘Why do chavs walk around with their hands down their pants?’
The question -which has plagued scientists for the last two decades- has finally been solved and the answer is…
“I do it to check my nob is still there.” Said Helly Hanson who was no doubt named after the infamously chavvy clothing line. “Sometimes I forget this tings there so I have to do a quick rearrangement to make sure everything is there innit.”
With shouts of “You get me bruv” and “Innit blud” coming from his cronies as he talked, Helly -Who insisted in being hooded for his own anonymity and safety- gave us some tips on how and where to check your penis.
“The shopping centre is probably the best place to do it. If you hang around in a gang outside like a FootAsylum or a JD Sports, just put your hands down and have a feel innit. There’s loads of birds in those kinda places ya know, proper fit tings, so if they see you they might want it haha. You gotta watch out for security doe, like if they see you they gonna turf you out like mad ting.”
Hellys mandem laughed in unison at his borderline sexist remark. However sexist it may seem, the problem seems to be worsening. With a 40% increase in anti-social crime last year, and teens as young as 14 being arrested for ‘Innapropriate touching’ it doesn’t look like Hellys ball holding days will be over any time soon.