GOD has announced today that he will no longer bless America ‘Until it gets its shit together.’
God, who is understood to be ‘Angry and perplexed’ at some of the countries recent decisions, has taken it upon himself to withdraw blessing rights until he is satisfied that the US is no longer going down the shitter.
“As of this morning, I am withdrawing all blessing from America until for notice.” He said in a statement, “Next time someone says ‘God bless America’ they’re getting ignored.”
“My blessings will now be focused on nicer countries which don’t have a gun crime epidemic or Presidents that take part in regular watersports. Sweden for example, they’re getting a lot of blessings from now on.”
A clearly upset Gun Shop owner Taylor Sanchez from Texas said “How are we supposed to bless America now? When we see an Eagle soar high above, when we take aim at school children through the ironsights of our weapons, when we stand up drenched in national pride and shout those words, ‘GOD. BLESS. AMERICA’ I’ll no longer feel a tear drop down my face, because they just won’t mean a god damn thing.”
Its not known how a reduction in blessings is going to effect America but God himself says its more ‘For show’ than anything.
“I’ts basically just to scare the religious nuts into changing their ways. Parts if the culture is just at odds with me and my sons teachings, its getting so bad I’m not even sure if I still like America.”