Bird looking for freshly cleaned car to shit on

A CROW has been holding in its shit for the past two days, ready to unleash on an unexpected driver who’s car has recently been cleaned.

Colin, a Carrion Crow from Berkshire, has made it his ‘Life goal’ to ‘Dirty- up’ as many cars as he can, simply because he doesn’t like them.

“They’re loud and they cause pollution.” He squawked. “I’ve lived in this tree for 10 years and just recently the noise from these machines had been ridiculous. Here I am just sitting in my nest minding my own business, watching the news and every 5 seconds there’s a bloody rumbling noise shaking my tree. I’ve had to rebuild 4 or 5 times, I feel like i’m living above Heathrow Terminal 4.”

Colin admits his plan probably wont stop people from buying cars, “Its not perfect but its a start, imagine paying for your brand new BMW to be cleaned and then having a bird take a massive dump on it, and it will be massive because i’m saving up.”

Local Councillor Jayda Furst has recently been made aware of Colin’s plight regarding noise pollution, shes urged him to talk to his local Member of Parliament. She said, “Unfortunately Colin’s situation isn’t a unique one, every day were getting more and more complaints from birds about excess noise as well as drivers complaining that someone or something has shit on their car. We’re looking at setting up inter-species community meetings for both parties to come along and discuss their issues with one another.”