7 things that will soon be labelled carcinogens

THE Food Standards Agency’ has recently been accused of ‘Sucking all the fun out of life.’ After adding 25 more items to its list of ‘Potential carcinogens’. Including but not limited to, McCoys Crisps, Kendo Decaff Coffee and M&S Gingerbread men.

Here we have compiled 8 more foods and regular everyday activities we think will also be added to that list.

7. Riding a bike

We all know that riding a bike is dangerous, but what if we told you that its also cancerous? Riding a bike exposes people to far more diesel fumes than the average Joe, therefore, sitting on a bike behind a pollution pumping car is added to the list of carcinogens.

6. Touching yourself 

According to Christian scripture, if you touch yourself God will strike you down and give you cancer.

5. BDSM

Following on from the theme of sexuality, bondage gear is of made plastic. Which, in turn is a known carcinogen. So next time you take part in bondage play, ask yourself, is it really worth the risk?

4. Watching reality TV

The Kardashians. Say no more.

3. Going outside

This one speaks for itself, going outside and breathing those nasty pollution fumes is a sure fire way to get the big C.

2. Eating

Eating has been tricky in the carcinogen world, with foods such as red meat and bacon being added in 2016. We’re going to go all out here and say that eating absolutely ANYTHING will increase your risk of cancer by a fraction.

1. Life 

If you’re living, you’re 100% more likely to get cancer than those who are not.