God reveals new species to replace those made extinct by humans

Christians are adamant that the world was made by God in just 7 days and it seems that they may be right. God has announced today that intends to introduce ‘Several new species’ to Earth to combat those made extinct by human interaction.

Here are a few from his list.


Possibly the most disturbingly cute yet deadly animal ever created, the Sharkcat, -which is distinct from the Catshark- is essentially a cats face on a sharks body. The animal thrives in Tropical waters and will survive on a diet of seals, whales, dolphins and the occasional stray surfer.


It seems the Lord was high as fuck when he created this one. combing the classic Giraffe, Zebra an Elephant, the three endangered species will be merged into a hardier version with ‘An increased intelligence’ to enable it to better avoid poachers and its natural predators.


Designed to make your visit to the seaside a misery, the Denchgull is essentially a regular seagull on steroids, lots of steroids. They won’t think twice about punching you for your ice cream or chips and the bird droppings they leave behind will weigh up to 300 grams, that’s about the size of a regular human shit.



In the plans, it was a surprise announcement that SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon was actually a prototype for a ‘Super-annoying human’. After being impressed with her actions, God has decided to ‘Fully rollout’ the Sturgeon model, renaming it as the ‘Weescottishprick’.