“BEFORE CHINA!”, we the words yelled out by Donald Trump at his press conference today. “We’re going back to the Moon before China.”, he said.
Trump, who recently slashed NASA’s budget after saying the organisation was a ‘Massive waste of time because aliens are already here’, has done a complete U-turn after finding out that the Moon was made of cheese.
“So i just watched this documentary right, it’s called A Grand Day Out and it’s all about this British guy and his dog, now you’re not going to believe this, but back in 1990 they went to the Moon and they discovered it was made of Wensleydale cheese.”
“This was Britain, a tiny little island. Why can’t we do the same? Apparently cheese consumption in China is now more than anywhere else in the world. We need to get our hands on this yellow gold before the yellow people do themselves.”
“So I’m announcing replanned manned missions to start a cheese factory on the Moon, that’s right the Moon. The first mission will commence 2018.”
NASA head Jamie Gonzalez was bemused by Trump’s calls, but was glad to have his budget back.
He said in an interview, “I don’t know about the prevalence of cheese on the moon, and that documentary sure sounds an awful lot like a Wallace and the Gromit movie, but hey who gives a shit, we’re back in business!”