World leaders will be showing off how macho they are this month after taking part in the 72nd consecutive Annual Dick Swinging competition.
The competition which was first held for leaders after the second world war, has representatives from all 193 countries, each hoping they will take home the first prize, the coveted golden dick statue.
Event organiser Tom Watson was eager to educate us about the history of the event.
“Dick swinging has been around for thousands of years.”, said Tom. “Think of the Romans, the Mongolians, all were eager to throw their penis’s around so people could see how manly they were.”
“These days it’s no different, in fact due to globalisation the competition has grew substantially in the past ten years.”
According to the rules, starting from January each leader gets six months to do as many ‘Manly, testosterone fueled acts as possible.’
Records of previous winners include Tony Blair and George Bush for their heroic invasion of Iraq in 2005. Vladimir Putin for riding a horse with no shirt on in 2008 and Kim Jong Il for building missiles that were essentially an extension of his own penis in 2011.
“This year is very close indeed.”, said Tom. “Our judges are actually having real difficulty in choosing a winner.”
“ISIS are in the running, so it Putin yet again, but out of nowhere Trump has launched fifty missiles. It’s getting very exciting.”
The judges will announce the winners of the Annual Dick Swinging awards come June 2017.
“That’s if the world hasn’t been destroyed in a nuclear fireball.”, jokes Tom.